Have you ever lie beside your partner and wonder what he or she thinks?

Or have you lain awake, while your partner is cuddling you, thinking that everything is all right while you drift away in thoughts he or she may never know or find out?

Why are certain things so hard to say?

Why do we make the decisions we do?

We are who we are because of the decisions we made, whether right or wrong, and whether we regret it or not later, reflects what we want ourselves to be – a bad ass, a good person, a loyal friend, a justice seeker, whatever.

We are also the result of the opportunities we have missed, the golden moments we failed to strike, including doing things when it’s just too late.

Such is life.

Such is the complications of the relationships adults have.

I watched this show “Closer” many years ago. I was too young to understand then, but I didn’t like the show because everyone was cheating on everyone. Nobody was truthful.

Why was the movie titled “Closer” when lovers were essentially strangers?

Fast-forward 6-8 years later, I have not only misunderstood people, missed opportunities because of the things I couldn’t say, because of the little I chose to say.

I did not and could not communicate effectively.

Many times pride and anger got the better of me.

Someone once told me, everything in life happens for a reason. I did not believe in that. I believe in creating my own destiny.

I might never learn.

I shall always be a rebel.